Entry posted: 24th June 2010
Mood: fair
囧~~ oh no~~ i am confused once again! I can't decide which path of career i wanna go, towards design which i spent my 3 yrs of poly life learning, or jus administrative job? 囧
The reasons why i didnt want a design job was because the work load isn't like normal OT u commit and able to finish cos changes keep coming in and it has to be constantly updated. Gosh that was very tedious and often make me frustrated, but this is job rite == i understand every job has its difficulty, Hai.. but i prefer more time for my personal life than being so committed to my job thats y i didnt want a designer job at first. Then i chose admin job, which to me.. is like "dead", repetitive, easier than design i assume? Ya, i assumed that but having been thru those interviews and tried that 1 day working, i find that it isn't what i like too == omg who can guide me or decide for me zzz Today i saw this job post of a graphics designer and i am so tempted to apply, i even drafted an email for it.. everything is ready except that the "send" btn is not clicked. Argh~ i jus cant decide.
I told my bf bout it and i even told him one of the reason y i didnt want some much OT job is due to him. I wanna spend more time with him because he is always hm after work, he knocks off on the dot at 6 and reaches hm at 7. He rarely OT, once in a blue moon i would say. So i wanna be by his side as much as i can. However sometimes i feel unjust to myself too because he is a game addict, he is very very addicted to his game and even if i was sitting there, breathing, he would rather stare at his dead com playing his game. I know man has his own interest and i shouldn't interfere. But he is very obsessed with it till the extend of not paying attention to what i said and it really irritates me most of the time and we will quarrel, and he'll say he quit and so he won't be playing. "What am i? a n unreasonable GF?" zzzz i dun wan him to quit i jus wan him to plan or have a limit in playing game and spend time with me who is his gf. Am i asking too much? He plays games everyday, nv a day he'll not login to it. Can u understand my feeling? I've changed so much for his sake, stopped all my social life, staying at hm longer than before, being more n more like him as in playing games too, but i was jus too bored! there are nothing i can do beside doing the same thing like him which i also feel some connection. At least this make me feel like we r tgt. sigh i feel pathetic
What should i do n how should i deal with it? I have a close fren who i lost contact with for 3yrs because he is a guy fren whom i knew before my bf, and when i started relationship with my current bf, i had to stop all my connections with other guy frens. my bf didnt like it and i was so in love with him that i respect him n did as he like. But i lost a lot of freedom in this way, it has been almost 3 yrs. I started to feel pathetic, n quarreled with him often. Finally he promised to loosen it more and allow me to go out with "frens", but still his face and reactions i could tell that he didnt like it. I am feeling so difficult at times. I wanted to chat with my frens but on the other hand i can't cos i dun wanna quarrel with my bf. My bf doesnt have much frens because he isn't that sort of sociable person who make frens or goes out, if u say u r a very out-going person who goes out making frens and go to places enjoying life, than my bf will be the complete opposite, is it very clear to u what kind of person is he? Both of us is the completely opposite but we love each other. However in this relationship, i am the one who changed the most to please him. I changed myself to go along with him if not definitely he won't be able to accept my ways of life and this relationship wont last this long. But is this gonna be the solution? How long can i endure? what if one day i decided to do things i like? How is he able to accept it rite? I am so upset sometimes when i tot of our future. Y can't he be more concern to me. spend more time with me and do things tgt. Is he going to wait till the day i left than he'll start to miss me, the old days?
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