"i wan to go hm"

i wish i could say that too. i wish i could have a place to hide when i need. i wish life could be a game, when u're not happy, jus start all over again. i wish i could have someone dearer to talk to. i wan to talk to my father n mother, but i can't. i've so much to tell, so much that words can't describe it now. i became tired.. to talk bout it again. if everyone has a mirror self, then mine would be the only person who understands me. i wish i could find myself. i know it's impossible.

i'm feeling sad, so terrible inside. i feel bad, guilty, unjust and neglected. i felt i've no choice. but i dun think i've done wrong, y do this to me? y blame me for that? or yes i am to blame? then blame me for everything if that will make things better. i would rather take it then suffer. i dun wan to cry, it makes my heart ache.

and i miss my father, i wan to talk to him. when will it be my time to go? the one i felt most sorry to is my father, he was a great man but i did wrong to him. i made him sad n cried for me. i am unfilial, i shall go to hell. then i can't met my dad anymore. im so sad. sometimes i even think, am i the one that made my father aged so fast? too much grief and worries make a person old isn't that so? i am such a bad daughter. there were so much to tell u my father, but there was no time. i'm really regretful.

no one knows how i feel inside.

u reap what u sow

It's simple to understand right? how much u get depends on how much u did? fair right? some ppl jus can't take it n starts talking about it behind ppl's back, calling ppl back-stabbers or stuff.. seriously, when i keep quiet doesn't mean i dun care, when i dun say doesn't mean i have no complaints. i won't say that i dun bother, more appropriately, i would say that i jus dun wish to say much, cos if i did, it jus further complex the thing n turn relationship sour am i right? when i saw what "she" said on facebook this morning, it kinna spoiled my day, but i dun wan it to affects me so i dun take it to heart. But 1 thing i have to say is, ppl aren't free to talk/complaint bout a person if he/she has nothing to talk about. The problem lies on "U" if more than 1 person thinks the same thing, correct me if im wrong. if the whole group thinks that u "r" the problem, would it actually be that "we" n not "u", r the problem??? r we that free to scheme with everyone and all go against u? com'on think before u say anything n be responsible for it.

it is set...

that... my final FYP presentation is on the 19 Feb! YES!!! that means that i am 27 days to almost-complete FREEDOM!! OMG I SERIOUSLY CAN'T WAIT! T^T i've longed for this for so long!! but the crap thing is that tentatively, 3 Feb there will be a presentation for another module, 12 Feb there will be a confirmed exam & finally the 19 Feb presentation. As u can c that it falls before and after CNY -.- damn, make me can't be able to go back for CNY this year again. Sob! i tot everything would go according to plan so that i could go back to M'sia for CNY and make it back to SG for presentation. Hai.. too bad it seemed too gd to be true T.T but nvm, what done can't be undone. i jus hav to take it. Though i should finish my studies at 19 Feb, but there is a grad-show thingy where we get to showcase our work somewhere in a hotel.. -.- sound great but there is a price to pay. =.= " yup.. $50 for printing or so, and man power is needed to get everything work. so students r to give a hand and make it plausible somewhere in mid-March. Well this is much later thing to think of, now i patiently waiting for the 27 days to pass, at the same time, complete what was given to me before the school ends and hav a perfect finale! yipee~~ i must buck up! so as to exchange for my freedom in the future! Gogogo!!!

it is getting closed..

.. to graduation! yeah~ finally~~ let me c, mid-feb end of FYP, mid march will be grad show then.. graduation ceremony! im gonna leave the school~~ T^T so happy~

ok, so im gonna find a perm job, my first perm job! lol!! nv had a stable job yet in my 26th yrs of life. 0.0 im screwed i think! XD but nvm, who hasnt made mistake b4 right? this time round i gotto 好好做人了 :D

i'll probably be doing normal 8 - 5 job? actually i couldnt decide.. idk whether i wanna find a designer job or jus simply normal-day-passing job.. hmm.. cos designer has deadline n customer to face! yuck!! idw.. my internship already let me experience what is "customer is always right".. haiz.. but i wont mind to learn it all over again cos i gotto the base already, i know how to use certain designing software, jus that im not skilled enough. XD i dun mind low-paid salary too.. (not as low as < $1.4k la of course) i think the experience is impt dun u think so? well...... let nature takes its course ba.. XD wish me luck man... oh man i can't wait for graduation.. T^T i wan freedom to play n hav fun.. not like thinking of school stuff all the time, no rest to my mind at all :( com'on! gime a break (><")

harder, better, faster, STRONGER!

came across this song by Daft Punk! nice remix!! Actually i heard of it when i watched a vid at youtube about this young japanese girl dancing robot dance to this song! she is so cool! so young and talented! :D too bad i dun rmb the vid but this is another of hers performing with her father - strong machine, n therefore her title is strong machine 2. lol.. like father like daughter. click here to watch!

And this is another cool one by 无名( should be japanese/ korean group idk :X) i would like to share.. :D watch me!

1st day of school! ZZZ!

yup today is the first day of school after my 3 weeks holiday which passed so quickly!! Damn! Gosh today is so boring man~~ holiday mood still lingering in the air.. -__-" really wish i could quickly end this studies and work soon!! (frens any job recommanding?? i'll be graduating this april~~ :D)

OK, today i reached the school at 1030am. late for 30 mins -.- almost couldnt wake up this morning cos i insomnia and every night is a torment to me when i try so hard to slp yet can't! god, kill me. i have this module called entrepreneur c**** i*** (ECI) i dunno the full word of it LOL! this module consist of 2 major assignment; simulation game & business plan writing(BPW). we got a "A" for simulation game which we completed b4 terms break and it made the whole class "hostile" in a way cos every groups tried to win each other and study strategy -.- i dun like it even though we won the first place, but it seems like frens among became enemy. but luckily it had over :D~ ok, now we have to do the BPW and it is another bore n dry thing to me D: omg.. sian~ we gotto come out with a business plan that is: profitable, feasible, improving ppl's life, blah blah... dun really rmb what r the criteria cos i dun really so into it :O but it requires lot's of brain-storming! (><") it's only a 3 credit module and we r giving so much time and energy into it! -_- in parallel with my final yr project and grad show thingy.. *gasping for air* gimme a break pls! O! did i mention i am the leader of my FYP team? today i met my supervisor and he asked: "ping hui so how's the progress?" and i answered: "nothing, we met only once during the holiday." dots.. he must be thinking whether im serious in the project. -.- of course i am! but does anyone knows? i dun look like i care or anything, really, but i'm very worried always! everyday! including weekends! ppl's rest day, im worried bout fyp, b4 i slp, im worried bout fyp, when celebrating festive outside, my mind couldn't get away from fyp, everyday im thinking bout it! but i couldnt do anything u know? cos my role is to do animation, but i gotton wait for graphics cos i dun in-charge of designing. so i waited, waited and waited. -.- we r way behind schedule!! badly!! sian sia! it makes me headache and im like a zombie... HAI! who can save me~~?

another thing that im so upset is that the wonderful fyp presentation is scheduled around 15th - 18th. great, CNY period, meaning i can't go back again this CNY n it has been 2 yrs i hacent gone back. i m very anticipating for this yr's CNY becos my god-mom will be back from Australia finally cos she rarely comes back.. but i couldn't c her now, n my grand-mother, she is so old now. i hope to go back becos whenever i step into m'sia, my mind has no worries at all.. no stress, no work, no deadlines.. all i leave them behind in SG.. i want to go back, visit my country and lovely relatives.. and reunion with all of them, but sadly i can't. :(

2010.. oh well..

ya, no big deal again.. sian, jus reminding me that im late twenties now.. ZZZ really very sick n bored........ HAI!!! same thing, same routine, same troubled, same worries................ really very tired u know... no one knows, no one understands! **** resolutions nv turn real, no changes except for the numbers, getting nearer n nearer to death.. further n further to meaning of life! no meaning, no nothing, nothing is all i hav in mind, SIAN!