Day 3...

Entry created: 11 Sept 2010

Mood: .........

I still miss u very much as u r sooo far away from me. However i hope u enjoy ur days there even more cos i cherish ur life too. well, i will c u very soon cos it's sat now. tmr i shall fetch you from the airport and once again, i have to worry again for ur flight coming back. I really hope it will be as smooth as how u went to HK. I hope everything goes smoothly.

The more i look at ur FB, the more annoyed i became. Due to the girl who u joined her clan in the game (u didnt know it was a girl at that time so i didnt blame u at all). Things like this annoy me very much but i keep telling myself that u have your freedom in doing anything, so i shall not stop u in anything at all. U could say i'm selfish, but who isn't selfish in relationship? I get jealous because u r my bf, simple as that. U should start worry if i dont isn't it? but still i tell myself not to spoil ur holiday n let u decide what to do on ur own when u come back.

Lastly, i really miss you a lot, more than u can imagine. I guess thats y the saying goes : "absence makes the heart fonder" it's so true.

Day 1...

Date created: 8 Sept 2010

Mood: worry sick :..(

of missing u my dear :( seriously i was very worried. I worry for many things like, ur flight from here to HK, ur stay there, will u meet any unwanted ppl while walking on the street & on ur way back here on plane... :( things that u worried for me when i was travelling back to Msia. :...( i dun wish for anything but ur safety only. I'd been thinking and praying in my heart for ur safety and good health ever since morning, n i was starring in the blank thinking of u all the while till now. :( i know im overly doing it, but i jus too afraid to lose u thats y. Do u understand? :(

Well, i was more at ease when i received ur sms at 5pm+ saying u arrived smoothly there :...) im so glad.

what a day. = =

i went to an interview again today at shenton way so i decided to meet my bf for lunch too. So after the interview which done at 11:50pm, i head to international plaza and waited for him near the escalator. When i was walking down the stairs i miss my steps n fell. = = it's so pain but i felt even more embarrassed. zzz u know there r many ppl giving out flyers near there? i bet they saw my legs dangling in the air when i fell zzzzz it's too embarrassing! my right foot bled and i knocked on my knee lightly, lucky it's not that hurt.. when i was bathing jus now, the feeling is just... un-explainable lol.. u should know what am i referring to. But! the best part is.. i told my bf's mother bout it, and she sort of "forced" applied the medicated on my foot although i rejected many times.. (definitely i know how pain it would be!) but still... ouch! my tears almost fall from my eyes :..( i'll be very very careful right now.

Delighted!

Entry created: 28 August 2010

Mood: very happy!

Wow i'm so happy today~ ^o^ jus received a call for interview on Monday! best thing is the location is so near to my house! wahahaha... less than 30mins taking bus! what more can i ask~ :D Well i know it's still early to get happy but i'll definitely treasure this opportunity! YES!! hope this time is a twist of my life now!

couple of post!

Entry created: 20th August 2010

Mood: Good!

Opps! it'd been a while i hadn't posted anything :x too lazy~

things i had been doing r... nothing except staying at hm =w= well im looking for a job (still!) u c.. so it's bound to stay at hm, always doing the same things from mon-fri.. sometimes different for weekends (isn't weekends supposed to be fun?! D:) to sum it up, im always visiting jobs' web in the day.. on n off checking for updates, send resume when i c suitable ones.. other than that i would chat with my bf at facebook or i look at videos at youtube :x ya it's repetitive! from monday to fri! for goodness sake! Can i get a job soon? ZZzz it's really boring! or did i mention i did the house chores once every 2 days? well at least i did something for the house n not jus sitting on the chair from the moment i wake up till my bf is back == OK enough for the crap of my boring life, here's some pics i took recently! :3 some sweet things i did with my bf lol! XD

our first Delifrance breakfast! :3

This is my bf's. I regret i didnt order the same like his ;(

After all the excitement, we decided to try our own breakfast few days after! =w= not bad rite? ^^

it's so fun doing thing tgt with my bf. :D will try new things again soon!

~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Alright since this is a multi post, lemme upload other pic i took recently too! XD nothing really special but i jus like to take pic of the cat living under the block, she's so sweet i wish someone can adopt her n take gd care of her :D

the cat food i prepared for her XD

~Angela (bf's sis) actually bought a bag of it n put it in the store room so anytime i can just get a plate of it n feed the cat downstairs :D~

here comes the lead actress~~~ *drumming*

poor kitty must be very hungry sometimes :( so we try our best to feed her as often as we can.

look how she eats makes me feel bliss ^^ im glad im not sensitive to cat~

there r totally of 4 cats living in downstairs n she is the most adorable among! XD i know we should be equal to all cats :x but im not being impartial too XD i fed whichever i see!

Inspirations!

Entry posted: 30 June 2010

Mood: Good! :)

Yesterday i was sorting my portfolio in case i need it when i apply for a design job. So again i went to the bookmarks i used to make n look out for the latest updates that i'd missed. Today i went back to where i stopped n discover this web page n saw this. I read and suddenly i felt that my passion is back. When i was learning in school, i love to play around with the design tools, take photograph or create web elements using new theory when i was taught but i often got disheartened when i didn't do well. It really sadden me a lot because i tot i'd learnt very closely and attentively but still i couldn't get it sometimes. Then i would grind myself at home or late night to refine it. sadder but wiser :) I was satisfied of the outcome after all the hard work.

I still like it very much and today, once again i saw my interest is there. I am so glad that now i have a target to move on instead of revolving around the circle of losing my ways. As u know if u've been reading (which i don't think anyone really visit my blog regularly. ==), I couldn't decide which path of career to direct myself at all. But now, although i know it is very difficult, i'll pursue my dream!

Another important decision!

Entry posted: 24th June 2010

Mood: fair

囧~~ oh no~~ i am confused once again! I can't decide which path of career i wanna go, towards design which i spent my 3 yrs of poly life learning, or jus administrative job? 囧

The reasons why i didnt want a design job was because the work load isn't like normal OT u commit and able to finish cos changes keep coming in and it has to be constantly updated. Gosh that was very tedious and often make me frustrated, but this is job rite == i understand every job has its difficulty, Hai.. but i prefer more time for my personal life than being so committed to my job thats y i didnt want a designer job at first. Then i chose admin job, which to me.. is like "dead", repetitive, easier than design i assume? Ya, i assumed that but having been thru those interviews and tried that 1 day working, i find that it isn't what i like too == omg who can guide me or decide for me zzz Today i saw this job post of a graphics designer and i am so tempted to apply, i even drafted an email for it.. everything is ready except that the "send" btn is not clicked. Argh~ i jus cant decide.

I told my bf bout it and i even told him one of the reason y i didnt want some much OT job is due to him. I wanna spend more time with him because he is always hm after work, he knocks off on the dot at 6 and reaches hm at 7. He rarely OT, once in a blue moon i would say. So i wanna be by his side as much as i can. However sometimes i feel unjust to myself too because he is a game addict, he is very very addicted to his game and even if i was sitting there, breathing, he would rather stare at his dead com playing his game. I know man has his own interest and i shouldn't interfere. But he is very obsessed with it till the extend of not paying attention to what i said and it really irritates me most of the time and we will quarrel, and he'll say he quit and so he won't be playing. "What am i? a n unreasonable GF?" zzzz i dun wan him to quit i jus wan him to plan or have a limit in playing game and spend time with me who is his gf. Am i asking too much? He plays games everyday, nv a day he'll not login to it. Can u understand my feeling? I've changed so much for his sake, stopped all my social life, staying at hm longer than before, being more n more like him as in playing games too, but i was jus too bored! there are nothing i can do beside doing the same thing like him which i also feel some connection. At least this make me feel like we r tgt. sigh i feel pathetic

What should i do n how should i deal with it? I have a close fren who i lost contact with for 3yrs because he is a guy fren whom i knew before my bf, and when i started relationship with my current bf, i had to stop all my connections with other guy frens. my bf didnt like it and i was so in love with him that i respect him n did as he like. But i lost a lot of freedom in this way, it has been almost 3 yrs. I started to feel pathetic, n quarreled with him often. Finally he promised to loosen it more and allow me to go out with "frens", but still his face and reactions i could tell that he didnt like it. I am feeling so difficult at times. I wanted to chat with my frens but on the other hand i can't cos i dun wanna quarrel with my bf. My bf doesnt have much frens because he isn't that sort of sociable person who make frens or goes out, if u say u r a very out-going person who goes out making frens and go to places enjoying life, than my bf will be the complete opposite, is it very clear to u what kind of person is he? Both of us is the completely opposite but we love each other. However in this relationship, i am the one who changed the most to please him. I changed myself to go along with him if not definitely he won't be able to accept my ways of life and this relationship wont last this long. But is this gonna be the solution? How long can i endure? what if one day i decided to do things i like? How is he able to accept it rite? I am so upset sometimes when i tot of our future. Y can't he be more concern to me. spend more time with me and do things tgt. Is he going to wait till the day i left than he'll start to miss me, the old days?

What a disappointment

Entry created: 23 June 2010

Mood: Not good

Rmb the job i mentioned earlier... i was working on Mon actually and quit on the second day. Some reasons for it are:

1. the environment aren't friendly. No one spoke to me thru out the day even when lunch i was eating alone. Even before reaching my working place, i saw one of the colleagues at the bus stop and she pretended nv c me at all. zzz
2. the same girl i said who didnt c me at the bus stop, again she ignored me. while i was passing by her, out of courtesy i smile at her, she saw it and jus looked away! WTF? y so no manners?
3. this is the most impt reason because it's the first thing that changed my mind in working there. Before i started working, i was told that this job isn't easy cos it's exportation. And it needed many months of training to understand what's going on n how to do it. But the woman who is guiding me is leaving in a week time n i supposed to take over her position and she told me that i have not much time left. == i was like "wth? clearing up the shit left by u?"

U know there small little things which also contribute to the bad working environment i defined, such as the route there, how secluded the area is as well as how low the salary is. But all these i could forget about it because i also understand that i dun have much experience and there are ppl who work far more than me. So i jus take it, it's ok for me really.. but things like throwing the jobs to me and working in such unfriendly environment aren't what an ideal or fair working place i'm looking for. I mean, i'm not picky but how would u feel during ur first day of work n got what i faced? How does that affect your point of view? well it changed me drastically. Jus to be frank.

apart from this.. another thing i'm facing is my bf's family. I am so faceless and felt inferior for being jobless. Really, especially when the sis who graduated the same time as i am and already started working for 2 months, the more i felt uneasy. It's like staying over for free u know? I dun wanna feel this way therefore i wan to work. Not only for avoiding these but to earn money for myself n future too.

YES!!!

Entry posted: 18th June 2010

Mood: extremely happy!

Today i finally received a call from the job i interviewed yesterday!!! yeah yeah yeah~~!!! :D

I was so happy till no words can describe :D~~

It's a Pet admin coordinator position while my scope is to do import and export of pets! N one funny thing is yesterday while i went down for interview, there is a poodle running in the office == so cute~~~~~ awwww.. n sweet~~ her name is ruby~ :D she keep coming to me while i was filling up the form, and i think she was seeking attention cos she walked on 2 legs :D so cute ya ~~

The pay isnt that ideal but i also understand cos i have no experience, the working place is not easy to access too since it's consider deserted in Singapore. @@ but nvm, as long as i got the job, i am happy already :D. I'll be starting work on next mon and im so excited bout it! of cuz im afraid too cos after all i've no experience ==

Anyway~~ yeah~~!!!!! :D~~~~ Hope it's a gd start to me!

when will i get a job?

entry created: 19th May 2010

mood: my sky is so grey~

well frankly speaking i am pretty stress about it, especially when i am currently staying at my bf's house, the more i feel uneasy if i not working n contributing rite? anyone understand how i feel? Hmmm... i've tried many many times in applying the jobs i saw in the major job search websites.. n tried many applications but i could only say, 2 out of 10 will get back to me. D: part of the reason for this i guess is due to my cert. I am majoring in design field but the job i applying is HR, an office job. U may ask y i choose job that is unrelated to my field of studies? my answer is, i c more prospects if i choose biz than design. Of course my passion is still there for designing however, i do not like the style of working as one.. after been thru my internship, it totally changed my mind set. the other reason to it is, HR or office job has better chances of career advancement such as promotions or better work experience if i wanna change a job environment, am i right to say that? I know it's hard but i really really hope one day an ideal one will find me n allow me to have a chance to learn from scratch. :D i strongly believe that, but now the problem is the pressure i have now =.= whenever there is no news or the interview failed, i felt very weird to face my bf's mother.. like i'm a piece of furniture in the house, hai.. i know she doesn't mind and she doesn't push me or hurry me to find a job, it's jus my own problem feeling weird. Hmmm.. do u understand? Gosh.. best is to let me hold a job!

out-dated pics

Entry created: 28th April 2010

Mood: Good! ^^

just a random pics i took when i fed the cats downstairs few days ago.

again i went to a pet shop at causeway point (cwp) and bought 2 packets of cat food (forgot to take a pic of it). It was meant to be the supply of 1 cat.. so the other one can be kept n i dun have to go to cwp to buy again if i want to feed her but, there r 3 cats living downstairs in total -_-" so i've to brought the 2 pacs down in order to be fair. However i am glad too that i'm able to help them. :D I'll do it often so that they won't suffer from hunger that much.

(this white cat wasn't that friendly but i managed to lure her over n feed her :D she was being bullied by a bunch a kid that time n my bf almost had a fight with the kids ;( lucky the cat was not harmed.)

(this is the lazy cat i wanted to feed at first.. lazy bum bum XD the first time i saw her was when she was being abandoned last year.. she was quite lost and dunno what to do.. poor thing D:)

didn't get to take the pic of her eating -.- this one was taken the other day when i was on my way to school, she always sleep in an unusual way, LOL!

the 3rd cat was even more unfriendly, she quickly ate the share left by ^ and walked off.. -.- cat is famous for its "hao lian" (stuck up attitude) but i like it ;)

time passing so fast..

Time always seems not enough dun u think so? Or is happy moments r always short-lived? while misery time are slowly passing.. zzz y am i saying this is because i always find that the time i have with my bf is so little.. D: in the morning he will be working till 6 but reach hm at 7, then we need to eat n it takes another 1 hr (including cleaning up), he usually sleeps at 11 so time left is 3hrs in a day. however, during that 3hrs.. we usually play online game- maplestory which both of us r quite a regular player, otherwise we watch bleach online.. these r the things we do everyday.. n it seems boring.. at times not always. sometimes it's fun to stay at hm cos it's effortless and save money. but at times i really hope my life can be livelier, fun and enjoyable. whenever i saw ppl going out in the night, doll up and go out, posting photos about them having fun at here or there.. doing things like going Universal studio (trust me, i jus get to know what it is n im not so sure yet.. theme park? museum? i really dunno), escape (n trust me again, i nv been to escape, jus happen to c it from far when i went to chalet) or any other places.. the other time rmb i said i went to Buona Vista via bus with my mum? though the journey is very long (1.5hrs), i get to c the scenery around place i haven't gone to, im so happy, lol.. i pass by vivo n saw the train that takes u to sentosa.. both my bf n i havent gone to sentosa yet! =.= seriously sometimes i feel so no life. n time is wasted. Im getting older day by day, n any girl should know that youth is very impt to them. but im losing it. :(

going on n on endlessly

Entry created: 23rd April 2010

mood: TGIF!

This week spent by visiting my bf's ahma at the hospital, accompanying my mom, with my bf who took MC to accompany me during weekdays (XD i was so happy but happiness is alway short-lived D:) and looking for jobs again! Hai... I am so sick of looking for it, checking the location + scope + requirement, sending out resume n realized no one would call. *depressed* y?? yyyy~~?

I finished my studies the same time like my bf's sis n she already got a job n will be started working next month. What about me? zzzz idk.. probably she holds relevant diploma n i dun? she was accountancy student while i was design student but i dun wan to be in the industry that's the main problem and my diploma is jus like another piece of paper jus for show only -.- sian... y did i choose that course at the first place. HAI~ regret.. but even if i really chose to study biz course, my cut-off points wouldn't be enough too if i'm not wrong but! if i'm wrong then my 3 yrs were wasted again! =.=" sad~~

monday was spent looking for job like today.. going thru the websites after sometimes to check for updates and when i saw something i like, i email my resume. repeatedly doing this if im home the whole day. tuesday and wed were my bf's MC day lol.. actually he had been working hard n less rest ever since he joined the current company so having these little break wasn't too far too rite >

Thursday, which was yesterday, i supposed to go to the HDB hub with my bro n mom for the paper work of the HDB units applied that time. I was too late so eventually they had to wait for me at KouFu at Toa Pa Yoh there.. so we met, had lunch n after my bro went off, i accompanied my mom to Buona Vista for job interview =.= super far from TPY lo.. zzz.. but still i went n it was a waste of money n time after all zzz my mom talked with that agent for awhile and rejected his offer n that became the purpose to travel frm TPY to buona vista!! crap!! really waste time hai... i told my mom to ask properly before going down to anywhere.. ok im quite irritated by this issue so i better dun go on anymore..

time to get back to jobsDB, jobscentral n jobstreet again. zzz pls let me have a job soon~

i am confused..

Entry created: 19th April 2010

mood: swaying

well... i am confused and troubled because i am bothered by my serious split-personality problem. I am really very bothered by it. I'm so sick of it. Sometimes i'm very happy like crazy or like i've struck lottery. At times i'm very upset and depressed like it's the end of the world. Y am i behaving like this? i really wonder..

Actually i have a calm-side of me too.. i will think of many things in the future. stuff like whether i can take it if i have a child or when i married, whether i can take the pressure or i jus give in to depression, that's a chance of having it rite? pre or post-natal.. i jus afraid im one of them based of my understanding of myself. the only time i could cool myself was when i was totally being shut away from the outside world. Something like 闭关 (shut oneself in a space) u know, then maybe i can find the normal self.

I am so worried for me. idk what will i becoming in the near future.. i wish there's a way or solution to it.

really... i am not happy

entry created: 16th april 2010

i know i am. but saying it out is difficult cos feeling is hard to describe in words..

it hadn't been just 1 day only, it has been accumulated ever since.. i am just so lonely and upset now. i know what people will say; "someone else is worst or unfortunate than you." pls, i had enough, pls dun tell me that. I dun need to be comforted if you r going to say that, pls spare me by jus keeping quiet.

to whom have hurt me, i beg for your awareness, pls dun further the pain.

mp3 player not working x.x

mood: so-so

post created: 15th april 2010

dunno y the mp3 players embedded all not working recently.. mixpod is like taking-forever-to-load, so i google for another one n found the current one. If u not sure it's somewhere on the >.. rite below my profile info. It's so nice and cute rite.. jus like what i wanted, simple and nice. I tried upload a song and copy the URL and pasted it in but it doesn't seems to work after all x.x

hope the song could suddenly pop up at add some "mood" to my blog. XD~

i noticed this new template won't show the date u done for the entry so i've to manually enter it jus for keeping track purpose. ;)

a change. a new feel. a new me.

Today i changed my blogskin to a simpler one.. no special reason for it, jus wanted to have a change.

Recently fell in love with David Tao (DT) songs.. currently listening to this track: 爱我还是他.. one of the songs i like. However the most impact i have is the other one: 寂寞的季节 In a way, i have a lot of mixed feeling inside. Nothing came to my mind, i'm jus feeling like how the song makes me feel. It seems like i'm being controlled by it. Haha.. that's the power of DT, he is a talent. Needless me to say this, i guess a lot of people already knew.

double post

job

=====

Rmb the previous post i had? RE the job i went for interview? the person called back soon after i finished blogging.. n guess wat? she asked whether i wan to take the offer.. -_- what came to my mind then was "I hadn't made up my mind yet!" zz so i told her i need time to think and will get back to her on wed (i know that sounds sensitive and picky but i really dun wan to make the wrong choice!).. there r 3 things that bother me about the job;

1:

the distance to there is tedious.. train > walk > bus > walk, to and fro to office and from office.. however, the distance from office is longer cos the bus stop is at the opposite, i've to walk a path with no shelter, across the road and walk again to the bus stop. -.- if u dun think it's troublesome but i seriously do.. so come to think of it, the fee for it is quite a lot too rite? in accumulative counts.. ya so in conclusion, this is the first thing i dun like about it.

2:

usually the working hrs for a office job is 8 - 5 or 9 - 6 rite? or sometimes i c 8 - 530.. for this job, i've to work from 9 - 630 and Fri will have to work longer to fulfill the 44hrs/week.. after some calculation, i knew that Fri i've to work from 9 - 8! OMG.. like what i mentioned for (1), imagine i finish work at 630... the time taken for waiting of bus and trains and walking, i est. i'll roughly reach hm at 730 or maybe later -_- maybe it's fine for others but for me, i prefer earlier.

3:

it is a 1 yr contract job meaning i can't leave in mid.. hai.. it feels like a threat to me seriously. i've a lot of "what if..." in my mind.. am i being too over-concerned? i guess im jus preventing ma.. am i rite? I dun wan to work halfway feel unhappy, not suitable yet being tied down by it and die-die have to stay..

for me, since i'm looking for a perm job now, i want to look for one that suits my expectation.. not like im picky again, i just think that these r the factors to keep me working there for long isn't it? and happy with my work isn't it? i did not ask for much pay.. of course i hope it can be higher but to complement the normal 1.5k job, choose a nearer working place! right? so the fee to transport is lesser in this way. or if the place is further, at least it's walking distance from MRT rite? so i dun have to spend extra for the transport.. rite rite rite???

zzz... after all.. i stil have to gambatei in looking for job now..

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

relationship

==========

i feel stress especially im not living at my own hs now, i no longer have one, n my BF is not like how he used to be. i think he has changed. or maybe im the one changing.. idk.. what exactly is the problem?? i really wish to know. whenever the though of married or getting a house, it makes me fear, there is no slightest of happiness. Last night i heard his mother, sis and himself were casually discussing bout it and what in my mind was, i wish i could have a place to rent and shut myself away from him. im not dislike him, i jus wan to protect myself. with him i feel like i've depressed, i often feel upset and lonely. Im suffer from him.. sometimes he make me very happy, laugh loudly tgt.. but it doesn't mean it last till the nest min.. i've tried crying and laughing within short period n it's is torturing. really very sad u know? i'm mentally and spiritually unbalanced.. im suffering from both! i wish i can have a house to avoid him sometimes when i want to...

does this come across ur mind when sometimes u jus need a little space of urself jus u n no one else..? where u can scream or cry out loud or jus stare there blankly with jus urself.. when i was still staying with my parents at my sold house, i had a room of myself, most of the time, i spend my time in the rm, door closed, sitting on my bed and stare outside cos i could c the sky there.. or i will jus looking at ppl from downstairs.. jus looking at them w/o think of anything. or i would shut off the lights and cover my face with pillow and jus think.. what i think of i really dunno.. sometimes when im unhappy, that was what i like to do, jus a space of myself in the room. i feel so gd and free.. i like it but it could nv happen again. rite now the room of myself is all kept in my heart.. i've to stuff my feelings all inside me. , regardless of happiness or unhappiness, im stuffing everything inside.. i used to share with my Bf but now i dun wan him to know anything because it hurts me even more if i did. in a way, i'll get myself hurt. He is capable of hurting me in many ways. he wasn't intend to i know, because he didnt even know he hurt me, maybe im jus too vulnerable.

i dun c any future in us.. what i c is more depression, sadness, unintentionally of killing me slowly.. i'll die gradually.

job interview!

today i went to an interview at JE. It sounds near to my place but... it isn't. T.T sob... the appointment was at 3 today n guess the route to that place? First i walk to CWP to take the mrt to JE, i walk thru the interchange to BLK 203 which i climb another over-head bridge (did i mention that i hate over-head bridge?!) and walk to the bus stop there ZZZ.. it was pretty far ar.. then i took a bus and travel 3 stops away... n i reach the location but! idk where the office is -_- i found out the way to go there but there r many offices there!! it is a office building n i was given the unit number only.. Hai.. so i trial n error n walk blindly, hoping i can c some clues along the way.. while walking.. i pass by a canteen-like eating place n this signage sudden caught my attention!! it's the company name! T^T thank god man.. a glimpse and i saw it yeah~~!

overall the interview was fine, i think i like the job except that i have to travel far for it. It is a HR & admin position btw.. a 1-yr contract job which i'll be thought to do HR work. hmmm... not bad la.. dunno will they consider me or not. Well i'll update again soon if i get the job! :D~~~~~~

job-hunting

today i received a call from an agent for a job located at JE, far away from mrt and 1.5k for the admin pos.. at first i didnt really have no interest in it.. but i consult my bf first cos he is a recruitment consultant ma.. so i ask for his opinion.. and he ask me to ask a few question first before i went down to the interview. So i list it down n call back to the woman from the agency and halfway i was asking, she suddenly said "if you r not interested, u can let me know b4 the interview." she said it very tactfully, but i was jus puzzled cos i only wanted to ask questions to clear my doubts so i dun waste my time going down rite? i dun c any wrong in it.. i only ask bout their agency's T&C so i dun get any fine in the end if i left the company b4 probation or wat.. n question like OT, dress code all these.. i havent even get the change to finish my question but i couldn't continue anymore after she said those things. i was like -___-" fine.

It was an admin job at 1.5k but far from JE. n to me, admin is like "all-in-one" job, range from coffee-making to house-keeping.. -.- so im more interested in doing HR cos.. pay is higher? n chances of promoting and higher pay is higher? doesn't it sound better than "admin"? i think so.

so after that my bf helped me to look for some and came across 2 jobs and i quickly apply cos i really hope to find a job fast especially after looking at the figure of my bank account when i withdrew money yesterday. -_- sad.. cmi..

well, hope i get a job soon and anything updates i'll soon post it up here! all the best to me~!

I miss you badly

i miss my father very much.. especially when i heard of this song, it truly sings my feeling n i cried while looking at the lyrics. what a sad song. it took a long time to upload the vid here so i post the link instead. click here to listen.

i been dreaming bout my father quite often these days.. in fact i think of him quite frequent too.. been thinking a lot of the past. although we hadn't been talking since i was young, somewhere during my teenage.. i seriously regretted the first moment i stopped talking with my father, that drifted both of us till he was gone. i'm really regretted it a lot, even until now. whenever i met my mom and she started talking about my dad, i always felt like crying, my heart really ache a lot, very painful and it's like tearing apart. but i bear with it very hard.. i dun wan to cry in front of my mom. but the tears that wells in my eyes r inevitable. i really miss him and need him here by my side, even if he still acting tough, not showing his love to me even though he adored me the most like what he said the last time i hugged him before he left me, i will still approach and talk to him, show him how much his daughter loves him.

There r so many things i havent done yet. As a daughter, i wasn't a good one. I always make my parents worried for me, make them sleep with no ease. i deserve to go to hell. when i died, i wish i can c my father again, or reincarnate as his daughter again, i wan to love him 1 more time.

I miss you father.

I always needed time on my own
I never thought I'd need you there when I cry
And the days feel like years when I'm alone
And the bed where you lie is made up on your side

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

[Chorus]
When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

I've never felt this way before
Everything that I do reminds me of you
And the clothes you left, they lie on the floor
And they smell just like you, I love the things that you do

When you walk away I count the steps that you take
Do you see how much I need you right now

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

We were made for each other
Out here forever
I know we were, yeah
All I ever wanted was for you to know
Everything I'd do, I'd give my heart and soul
I can hardly breathe I need to feel you here with me, yeah

When you're gone
The pieces of my heart are missing you
When you're gone
The face I came to know is missing too
When you're gone
The words I need to hear to always get me through the day and make it ok
I miss you

what a joke -_-

Hai~~~~ this morning i made a joke out of myself T^T . if u read bout my previous entry u'll know that im getting my result this morning at 10am. yesterday i was still hoping that i could get a cumulative GPA of 3! what a joke.. this morning i took a closer look at it n i realized that i only had 2.3 instead of 2.7 -__- how e hack am i able to catch up sia.. impossible!! so i got disheartened.. sob.. it was actually 2.5 for my diploma.. sad.. kinna low u know n i ask my bf n he said for gpa like this is a grade of B- ...... what annoys me is the "-"! minus some more.. zzzz y dun jus A, B or C!? Haiz.. B- jus look so off.. make it B la.. Haiyo~~ i know i should stop complaining since it's decided.. ZZ ok i stop. Sniff.. sniff..

well. today i started looking for jobs and had my resume ready at jobsDB n jobsCentral.. havent submitted to any company yet.. jus posted and set it "available to all" so sompany can access my resume. but i still lack of a photo on it. lol.. will update again someday~

i like the first track of my player -innocence Avril Lavigne is the best!

"this is the best feeling~~"

I am no longer a student!

Yeah~~ finally i done with poly life!! feel so great n relax~~ =w=

i jus had my gradshow on last fri n sat n i stood from 9-10 on fri n 1-830 on sat! wah piang the first day was really tiring n my legs went weak when i got back hm.. -_- anyway it was held at Raffles hotel jubilee hall at the 3rd level. we displayed our project like how IT show organize their event, and we too, do like the IT show staffs, standing at our booth n explain to whoever came to our booth. on the first day, mainly the industry ppl were the one coming to look at our works and ask us questions becos they wanted to recruit student to their company i guess. N on the second day was mainly for parents n frens for visit. it was fun though it was tiring as well, it was also a great experience.. MAN I COULDN'T BELIEVE I'M DONE WITH IT! XD no much pics were taken, in fact i only took 1 with Jess xp cos i camera shy la.. LOL! i left the place quite early so i guess thats the reason y i wasnt in the photos they took n posted on FB.. anyway most importantly, i am graduated!! aw~~ n tmr will be the release of my result for the last semester of my study! i wish i could get at least a GPA of 3? i know it's hard especially with my current GPA of 2.7 only =.= .. however i wish miracle happens ba.. cos if i got a 3 at least, i'm eligible to enter Uni. XD think far ar.. haha.. let nature takes its course ba. :D:D:D:D:D~~ will be updating again tmr bout the result!

finally got my laptop back! :D

yup yup my lappy went to the hospital for around 3 weeks! ;( i was not very pleased with acer with the previous repair cos last oct i brought my laptop to acer for repair n i got it back the following week but guess wat? the moment i got it back, it spoiled. -__-" i was like "ZZZZ1" but i didn't have time to call acer and bring it to the repair center and wait for the bloody 2 weeks again! i had my bloody project to do and it is chasing after me cos the deadline is sooo near! so, i could't afford the time to be wasted, i decided to bear with the abnormality and make do with whatever i had then. it was frustrating n i got very irritated when i my work was being done a lot but i forgotten to save it! OMG~~ 囧 this is madness~~~~ it happened a lot of times dude, not once, not twice, not trice! many many times! ZZZZ

but now, i got it back~~ =w=~~ i'm so happy cos:

#1: no latency when playing FB game (imagine usual lag x 5 + usual speed x 0.2) -_- u know what i mean?

#2: i can now type faster cos when i type on my bf's keyboard, they seem too far apart for my fingers Oo

#3: i can play games again! ^^

last time, i got DC or my laptop completely hang whenever i login to maple or cabal, the extend is not jus "ctrl + alt + del", not so simple, all i could so is "force shut T^T".. whenever i did that , i felt that im killing my laptop slowly.. sob.. force shut it is like so "Ouch!" actually not jus for games.. i encountered a few times when i was using flash, illustrator.. ok, i know it's too much but sometimes, with photoshop and browser all opening at once. -.- (im doing my project ma.. these programs have to be opened :p) the next thing was.. my pointer started to frozen at the point is was before i moved it, no response when i "ctrl + alt + del".. n i will ....... 囧 ~~ again.. i knew i had to do the magical move again. force shut. -.- damn. c what i meant for frustrating? i didn't save my work yet, ahahaha.. lalala... WTFWTHOMGBBQ.... i gotto do all over again ZZZ

but now, it's over, no more, full stop. now my laptop runs smoothly, no hang, no pms, no nothing. im so glad~~ hope it stays like this as long as it can cos my warranty is expiring soon. very soon. maybe another month or so?

currently i've a gradshow event going on this fri n sat (my weekend burn again ;( ) n i still gotto refine my project for that omg.. this is like nv ending like that, sian... then i have to do a business card for myself cos some guests r invited for the gradshow and some might be my potential future boss? though i don't think im that great to work for them cos i know where i stand ;) besides that, each group have to create an "A0" poster! .. hello... u think they blind can't c? so big for what n it's so costly! what the fish man.. HAI!! man this 3rd yr of school is so expensive and mind-cracking! -.- my brain juice was almost drying when i was doing my project cos it is well.. brain-cracking XD idk what will best describe it lol.

another thing i doing beside those i mention above will be job-hunting. Goldmine.... im looking for u! but, imnot sure whether im lack of confidence or what, i always think that i dun have enough skill or talent to be what my course has mold me to be. i have interest to be a designer, but my skill is very limited. when i look for the jobs requirement, whenever im qualified for A, B, C, im sure disqualified for D, E n F. there's always something im lack of.. or there r sure some of it i'd not interest on, for instance; JSP, JAVA, or actionscript wrinting. -__- im totally dread programming language. but i like designing, pure design like using photoshop, illustrator or flash for animating, but not AS3, i can't do it really. i know where i stand.

i wish i will get a job soon n i'll sure update bout it here! :D be hold!

FYP is over!!!!!

MAN I CAN'T BELIEVE IT OMGBBQ! it's over it's over IT'S FREAKING OVER! muahahaahaha!!!! i can play game with no guilt, watch bleach with no guilt and slack with no guilt! ROAR!!!! finally i dun hav to face the u-r-the-leader-u-should-have-the-responsibility! no more deadlines no more! :D:D:D:D:D:D:D:D~~~~~~

but i still have 3 tests. -___-

well... nvm as long as it's not a project involve a team n i dun hav to be the leader n face the superior! YES!! this is so cool man! n unbelievable! i had longed plan to celebrate it n have fun after my fyp end! wahahaha.. now im busy planning where to go for celebration with my bf XD

oh man i can't wait! ;D

1 down!

the "1" means one of the module, the dry, boring and time-consuming module that teaches us how to do business? erm, did they forgotten we media student? oO gosh it felt so gd to know that it has ended ;) actually it hasn't, there is still 1 more to do, jus a small percentage of the assignment, 20% for the module. jus few hrs ago my team n i presented the 40% one n it's not so badly done, at least to me. :x the other 40% has completed few months ago n we got the best among 8 teams ;) aiya but overall this module still not interesting. forgive me, im jus stating the facts.

well.. now the headache 1 is FYP, -___- i wish miracle could happen. ya, thats what i wish for.

"i wan to go hm"

i wish i could say that too. i wish i could have a place to hide when i need. i wish life could be a game, when u're not happy, jus start all over again. i wish i could have someone dearer to talk to. i wan to talk to my father n mother, but i can't. i've so much to tell, so much that words can't describe it now. i became tired.. to talk bout it again. if everyone has a mirror self, then mine would be the only person who understands me. i wish i could find myself. i know it's impossible.

i'm feeling sad, so terrible inside. i feel bad, guilty, unjust and neglected. i felt i've no choice. but i dun think i've done wrong, y do this to me? y blame me for that? or yes i am to blame? then blame me for everything if that will make things better. i would rather take it then suffer. i dun wan to cry, it makes my heart ache.

and i miss my father, i wan to talk to him. when will it be my time to go? the one i felt most sorry to is my father, he was a great man but i did wrong to him. i made him sad n cried for me. i am unfilial, i shall go to hell. then i can't met my dad anymore. im so sad. sometimes i even think, am i the one that made my father aged so fast? too much grief and worries make a person old isn't that so? i am such a bad daughter. there were so much to tell u my father, but there was no time. i'm really regretful.

no one knows how i feel inside.

u reap what u sow

It's simple to understand right? how much u get depends on how much u did? fair right? some ppl jus can't take it n starts talking about it behind ppl's back, calling ppl back-stabbers or stuff.. seriously, when i keep quiet doesn't mean i dun care, when i dun say doesn't mean i have no complaints. i won't say that i dun bother, more appropriately, i would say that i jus dun wish to say much, cos if i did, it jus further complex the thing n turn relationship sour am i right? when i saw what "she" said on facebook this morning, it kinna spoiled my day, but i dun wan it to affects me so i dun take it to heart. But 1 thing i have to say is, ppl aren't free to talk/complaint bout a person if he/she has nothing to talk about. The problem lies on "U" if more than 1 person thinks the same thing, correct me if im wrong. if the whole group thinks that u "r" the problem, would it actually be that "we" n not "u", r the problem??? r we that free to scheme with everyone and all go against u? com'on think before u say anything n be responsible for it.

it is set...

that... my final FYP presentation is on the 19 Feb! YES!!! that means that i am 27 days to almost-complete FREEDOM!! OMG I SERIOUSLY CAN'T WAIT! T^T i've longed for this for so long!! but the crap thing is that tentatively, 3 Feb there will be a presentation for another module, 12 Feb there will be a confirmed exam & finally the 19 Feb presentation. As u can c that it falls before and after CNY -.- damn, make me can't be able to go back for CNY this year again. Sob! i tot everything would go according to plan so that i could go back to M'sia for CNY and make it back to SG for presentation. Hai.. too bad it seemed too gd to be true T.T but nvm, what done can't be undone. i jus hav to take it. Though i should finish my studies at 19 Feb, but there is a grad-show thingy where we get to showcase our work somewhere in a hotel.. -.- sound great but there is a price to pay. =.= " yup.. $50 for printing or so, and man power is needed to get everything work. so students r to give a hand and make it plausible somewhere in mid-March. Well this is much later thing to think of, now i patiently waiting for the 27 days to pass, at the same time, complete what was given to me before the school ends and hav a perfect finale! yipee~~ i must buck up! so as to exchange for my freedom in the future! Gogogo!!!

it is getting closed..

.. to graduation! yeah~ finally~~ let me c, mid-feb end of FYP, mid march will be grad show then.. graduation ceremony! im gonna leave the school~~ T^T so happy~

ok, so im gonna find a perm job, my first perm job! lol!! nv had a stable job yet in my 26th yrs of life. 0.0 im screwed i think! XD but nvm, who hasnt made mistake b4 right? this time round i gotto 好好做人了 :D

i'll probably be doing normal 8 - 5 job? actually i couldnt decide.. idk whether i wanna find a designer job or jus simply normal-day-passing job.. hmm.. cos designer has deadline n customer to face! yuck!! idw.. my internship already let me experience what is "customer is always right".. haiz.. but i wont mind to learn it all over again cos i gotto the base already, i know how to use certain designing software, jus that im not skilled enough. XD i dun mind low-paid salary too.. (not as low as < $1.4k la of course) i think the experience is impt dun u think so? well...... let nature takes its course ba.. XD wish me luck man... oh man i can't wait for graduation.. T^T i wan freedom to play n hav fun.. not like thinking of school stuff all the time, no rest to my mind at all :( com'on! gime a break (><")

harder, better, faster, STRONGER!

came across this song by Daft Punk! nice remix!! Actually i heard of it when i watched a vid at youtube about this young japanese girl dancing robot dance to this song! she is so cool! so young and talented! :D too bad i dun rmb the vid but this is another of hers performing with her father - strong machine, n therefore her title is strong machine 2. lol.. like father like daughter. click here to watch!

And this is another cool one by 无名( should be japanese/ korean group idk :X) i would like to share.. :D watch me!

1st day of school! ZZZ!

yup today is the first day of school after my 3 weeks holiday which passed so quickly!! Damn! Gosh today is so boring man~~ holiday mood still lingering in the air.. -__-" really wish i could quickly end this studies and work soon!! (frens any job recommanding?? i'll be graduating this april~~ :D)

OK, today i reached the school at 1030am. late for 30 mins -.- almost couldnt wake up this morning cos i insomnia and every night is a torment to me when i try so hard to slp yet can't! god, kill me. i have this module called entrepreneur c**** i*** (ECI) i dunno the full word of it LOL! this module consist of 2 major assignment; simulation game & business plan writing(BPW). we got a "A" for simulation game which we completed b4 terms break and it made the whole class "hostile" in a way cos every groups tried to win each other and study strategy -.- i dun like it even though we won the first place, but it seems like frens among became enemy. but luckily it had over :D~ ok, now we have to do the BPW and it is another bore n dry thing to me D: omg.. sian~ we gotto come out with a business plan that is: profitable, feasible, improving ppl's life, blah blah... dun really rmb what r the criteria cos i dun really so into it :O but it requires lot's of brain-storming! (><") it's only a 3 credit module and we r giving so much time and energy into it! -_- in parallel with my final yr project and grad show thingy.. *gasping for air* gimme a break pls! O! did i mention i am the leader of my FYP team? today i met my supervisor and he asked: "ping hui so how's the progress?" and i answered: "nothing, we met only once during the holiday." dots.. he must be thinking whether im serious in the project. -.- of course i am! but does anyone knows? i dun look like i care or anything, really, but i'm very worried always! everyday! including weekends! ppl's rest day, im worried bout fyp, b4 i slp, im worried bout fyp, when celebrating festive outside, my mind couldn't get away from fyp, everyday im thinking bout it! but i couldnt do anything u know? cos my role is to do animation, but i gotton wait for graphics cos i dun in-charge of designing. so i waited, waited and waited. -.- we r way behind schedule!! badly!! sian sia! it makes me headache and im like a zombie... HAI! who can save me~~?

another thing that im so upset is that the wonderful fyp presentation is scheduled around 15th - 18th. great, CNY period, meaning i can't go back again this CNY n it has been 2 yrs i hacent gone back. i m very anticipating for this yr's CNY becos my god-mom will be back from Australia finally cos she rarely comes back.. but i couldn't c her now, n my grand-mother, she is so old now. i hope to go back becos whenever i step into m'sia, my mind has no worries at all.. no stress, no work, no deadlines.. all i leave them behind in SG.. i want to go back, visit my country and lovely relatives.. and reunion with all of them, but sadly i can't. :(

2010.. oh well..

ya, no big deal again.. sian, jus reminding me that im late twenties now.. ZZZ really very sick n bored........ HAI!!! same thing, same routine, same troubled, same worries................ really very tired u know... no one knows, no one understands! **** resolutions nv turn real, no changes except for the numbers, getting nearer n nearer to death.. further n further to meaning of life! no meaning, no nothing, nothing is all i hav in mind, SIAN!